I cannot

I cannot pretend that the rain never affects me.
The mere sight of dark clouds throws my mind back in time.
The first time you said you loved me.
The only time you said you loved me.
If you ever happen to ask,
I cannot pretend that was not the happiest moment in my life.

I cannot make believe that you never hurt me.
The bruises on my thighs and minuscule scratches on my fingers prove it too well.
The only symbols I still have of you.
The only things you ever gave me to cherish.
If you were to ask,
I cannot make believe that I would escape unscathed again.

I cannot lie and say I never dreamed.

But wouldn't it be nice if I could?