literature

Letter 20

Deviation Actions

MimiTrammell's avatar
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Literature Text

Dear, wonderful, amazing, you,
I wonder if you ever heard my heart crack and splinter? God knows you made it do so often enough. Of course, it was usually over the phone, or in the dark glimmer of night time parking lots, so you never really saw the tears. I don't know how I feel about that, if I want you to continue in the illusions that I was ok, or if I want you to see every crystal, to feel them each individually like a bullet.
It is not that I want to hurt you, but rather that I would love to feel your voice one last time, to have you understand the complexities that make up me.
Or maybe you see those complexities already, and you do what you do because you don't know what else to do.
See, that makes about as much sense as the fact that I still admit I love you, even though we have been oh so confused and lost and dizzy.
I am not sure what else I can say on this subject...Yes, you have broken my heart the most, if only by repetition, but I still see you as a close friend, your smiles make me laugh, and those worry lines on your forehead break my heart even more than the so often repeated "I just can't do this to you anymore, it isn't fair when you know what you want, and I still have no clue."
Speaking of that, I am not waiting for you, exactly. You've hinted at a future when you have figured out physics vs. differential equations, air force or navy or teaching, and a million other unknowns. Just to reassure you, I am NOT waiting.
I just haven't found anyone else that can make me laugh till I cry and cry till I laugh, and who knows how to woo in speeding cars and on concrete piers.
I am not waiting, and I am happy with our agape instead of eros, but if you decide we could have a legitimate future, and there is no one else, I am most likely not going to complain.

Love (platonic or romantic, take your pick),
Me
.
© 2010 - 2024 MimiTrammell
Comments3
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Mercury-the-Queen's avatar
This is beautiful! I love this! Good Job!